Fixing a broken marriage isn’t easy, and if you really want to work things out with your spouse, you’ll obviously have to put in some effort. If you’ve come to a point where you think that it’s over between the two of you, you’ve come to the right place!
Read on for seven tips to help you save your marriage.
Don’t Give Up
While you’re determined to save your marriage, at times, you might feel that you should accept the inevitable and move on. Some of your friends and relatives might give you the same advice, too! However, realize that if your spouse decides to separate, you won’t be left with another choice. So until your spouse takes a definite action for you to accept that your marriage is over, hang in there and don’t lose hope.
If you’re finding it hard to stay committed, think of the consequences of the divorce – your children and finances are bound to suffer, even if you hire the best divorce lawyers. Though mediation might be an option, according to Orange County divorce lawyers, it can work only if both parties are open to discussion.
Focus on Your Relationship
If your marriage is no longer exciting, chances are high that you channel your energy in other activities to seek happiness. Instead of focusing your inner resources elsewhere and finding substitutes for a fulfilling relationship, seal your exits and put all your energy into your marriage.
Note that infidelity and substance abuse aren’t the only typical “escapes:” Overeating or spending more time at work, exercising, or hanging out with the kids to avoid having to be with your spouse also count.
Speak to Your Spouse
Breathing life into a failing relationship is difficult, especially when the individuals involved are expecting different things. Sit down with your spouse and discuss what he/she wants to do, and what has gone wrong in your relationship.
Start with writing down your non-negotiables, and any actions or behaviors that you cannot tolerate. Ask your spouse to do the same, as well, and work as a team to resolve your issues. Remember this: Ultimatums don’t work, so choose your words wisely and set goals that both of you can easily achieve.
Detoxify Your Marriage
Mudslinging and name-calling won’t help your marriage in any way; in fact, that will only worsen things. Stop yourself from making snide remarks, and blaming or accusing your spouse. If your spouse’s actions bother you, talk to him or her about how you feel when your spouse does particular things ,and why you want him or her to stop. Also, try to present your problems in a positive light – don’t complain about how your spouse ignores you; let him or her know that you crave love and attention.
Keep in mind that both of you need to stay calm, so if things get heated up, exit early to avoid anger escalations. Always re-engage cooperatively afterward.
Accepting each other for what you are is the key to having a love-filled marriage. You might not be able to accept a lot of things outright, but that’s okay, so long as you’re both willing to work on your issues. That being said, accepting your spouse’s behaviors as much as you can will make him/her feel truly loved.
Furthermore, infuse love into your marriage by appreciating your spouse, and his or her efforts at trying to save your marriage – no matter how small they may be. Demonstrate care as best as you can, and do take some time out of your schedule to plan date nights.
Bring in Novelty
Spicing things up in the bedroom isn’t the only way to bring in novelty. Having known your spouse for all these years can make you adapt to your surroundings and overlook a lot of your spouse’s qualities. Break out of routine, and do things that you’ve never done together before. Seeing each other in a new light may rekindle the fire between you two.
Refrain from Begging
If your spouse is seeing someone else, it is natural for you to tighten your grip on your marriage. Unfortunately, doing so will make your partner feel suffocated, which further encourages him/her to escape the relationship. The same happens when you cry in front of your spouse or beg the other to change his or her mind – the guilt of putting you through the pain may cause your spouse to want to get away from you.
Don’t fall apart just yet; be confident, surround yourself with support, manage stress, and allow your spouse the freedom to change and grow. Keep in mind that love is holding, and trust your spouse to stay, even if he or she has the option to leave.
Now It’s Time to Work on Your Marriage
Now that you’ve read these tips on saving your marriage, you needn’t despair! Just do what you feel is right in your marriage, and you’re sure to revive your relationship with your spouse and see happier times together.
Samila Chehrzadeh works as an associate attorney at Sarieh Law Offices, ALC. She has developed vast experience and keen knowledge by mediating numerous disputes for unlimited civil and immigration actions and family law disputes. She has had the honor of working for the Honorable Theodor Albert; judge of the United States Federal Bankruptcy Court. Being an Orange County Divorce Lawyer, she also works as a volunteer attorney for the local Legal Aid Society helping low income families in disputes.