Legal Question in Family Law in California

Hi there...I need advice about my rights as a father for my two daughters. I need to know what I can do now that their mother has taken them to her home country and left them with family, and is now threatening me that I will never see them again. I want to write a bit of my history, and a bit of our history together to allow some awareness of what she would bring up against me in court if I do have to take it this far.

My History:

I have 3 counts of indecent exposure. The first and second I was in my early 20's. The first time I was being stupid and having sex on the beach with my girlfriend. The second time I was drunk and driving around looking for a place to take a leak, I pulled into a parking lot and as I got out of the car I quickly realized I wouldn't make it to the bathroom. So I did it there next to my car. Unfortunately I didn't realize there was someone sitting in the car next to me. Because of my first record, I could not convince the judge that It was an innocent misjudgment of where to take a leak. 10 years later, I was attempting to have my record expunged and detectives talked to my neighbors, my office workers and everyone else I knew to ask about my behaviors. I lost my job over it. Then my wife died of breast cancer at the age of 38 leaving me with a 5 year old son to take care of. I also lost the house I was renting because they kicked me out when they were confronted by the detectives. I had a nervous breakdown and was found naked and drunk in my garage. Hence the third.

I need to tell this history so I can tell you how She may use this against me somehow to make me not a fit father. Her daughter and I had an unfortunate misunderstanding once. I was looking for something, walked into the bathroom where she was taking a shower and she acted as if I was there on purpose. I was actually taken aback by her reaction as I thought she felt as I did that I had always treated her like my own. I have never ever had sexual thoughts for her whatsoever. I decided to be stupid and texted her that and commented on it and she got even more upset. While I was actually trying to just make fun of it she took it the wrong way and ended up talking to her mother about it. My partner forgave the incident when I told her what it was really all about. But she recently told me she would use that against me along with my past record and make me sound unfit as a father to raise my daughters.

Our history:

I've known my partner Imelda for over 15 years now, we started out as friends, she was the godmother of my son. When my wife died we became close. It seemed like a very natural union. My parents didn't agree with our union as they thought I was rushing into another relationship to quickly. That started a number of arguments between the two of us from the very beginning. My son had a very rough time trying to fit into this new family of many from being an only child and was ridiculed by Imelda for not being able to adjust as she wanted him to. On a few occasions I came home to find him being punished by her in very old school ways like making him hold many books in each hand until he couldn't take it and whacking him with a ruler if he dropped them below a certain height. At the time I thought that's the way they handle kids in her home country and honestly thought she had his best interest at heart. I only later realized she was taking out her hatred of not being accepted by my parents on him. Another time I came home and found scratches on his face around his eye. I asked him what happened and he was too afraid to tell me. I asked Imelda and she wouldn't say either. I later found out from her mother who was living with us that it was indeed Imelda who scratched his face and eye. There was a very heated argument for hours and as she was screaming in my face I ended up slapping her in the face. I had never been a violent man the entire 10 years I was with my first wife, and all of a sudden she brought out the worst in me. The police was called, but no one went to jail at that juncture. My son moved to my parents house and we stayed together and had a child. I found out she was still talking to her ex and got upset one day and confronted her with it. We again had a very heated argument and she threw things at me, broke many items, then broke a glass in her hand. She then called the police and told them It was me who broke the glass. I tried to leave the house and she wouldn't let me, she stood at the doorway blocking the exit. I got fed up and pushed her onto the couch and left. Later that night I was arrested and sent to jail. Later when she calmed down and regretted it all, she called the DA and tried to recant her story, it helped me get out a little earlier than I was originally sentenced for but the damage was already done. A few more times later she continued to use the police against me, threatening to call them every time we had a disagreement. Even did it a few times only to have them come and go wasting their time. After having a long talk with her ex husband I found out she and him had a very crazy relationship as well and she called the police on him many times using them to control him.

Now after all this time, she still has not divorced him, using him for his money and his insurance. She even pawned my engagement ring one day when she was mad at me. We now have two daughters, one is 6 and the other 8. I just found out recently that she has been having an affair. I found it in her email, pictures of him and her and comments about the night they spent together. We fought again but then made up and I forgave her for it. She convinced me that she would not see him anymore and further convinced me that she wanted to work on our relationship and make it better. She talked me into signing papers allowing her to bring our children to her home country, the Philippines and have them stay there for a year while we worked out our differences. We even had a notarized document stating that the children would return in march of next year. She convinced me that the notarized agreement was legally binding and she would bring them back weather we worked out our differences or not. When she came back after dropping them there, she is now telling me she wants them to stay there indefinitely and wants to leave me. She is currently stating she doesn't want money from me but I have a feeling she will go to court at some point in time and try to get everything she can from me.

So here is my question. What rights do I have as a father? How can I get her to bring them back here to the USA. Will I be judged on my past records and will that have an effect on whether or not I'm allowed visitation rights? Would I stand a chance of never seeing them again if I actually try to take her to court over this? Is our written agreement legally binding or was I just totally fooled by her?


Asked on 10/11/11, 1:15 pm

3 Answers from Attorneys

You need to stop trolling for free help on the internet and hire a lawyer if you are serious about seeing your kids. I'm a big fan of self-help in family law matters, but your story demonstrates a serious lack of good judgment repeatedly. You have no chance of success without the assistance of a good lawyer.

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Answered on 10/12/11, 12:53 pm
Arlene Kock Law Offices of Arlene D. Kock APLC

This very complicated matter deserves the attention of a skilled family law attorney.

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Answered on 10/13/11, 8:20 am


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