Legal Question in Family Law in Illinois

custodial/non-custodial parent communication problem

The non-custodial parent and, I, the custodial parent have been having problems discussing the children and any difficulties that we may have with them (a 14 and 11 yr old). The non-custodial parent (father)is very verbally abusive to me over the phone. Cussing, berating, etc. he does not think I am doing a good job raising the children. One child has adhd, the father(he lives in Iowa) refuses to acknowledge this, give suggested meds, etc. When there is a problem with her, the dad will get very angry and blame me for the problem. The teachers at her school have tried to talk to him as well, he doesn't accept her condition. Several situations have arisen between the daughter (11) and her father that could be considered abusive - hitting, (not spanking on the bottom), cussing, name calling, kicking her out of his house...I had to drive thirteen hours to get her because she took ten dollars from his cash box while he left her home alone and bought candy, gum, etc. My question is - what are my rights conserning talking with him when he gets angry and cusses, etc.? Thank you


Asked on 1/06/03, 4:22 pm

2 Answers from Attorneys

Thaddeus Hunt Law Offices of Thaddeus Hunt

Re: custodial/non-custodial parent communication problem

It is unfortuante that the children are the ones who suffer in these situations. However, your first duty is to your children. If the father is being physically abusive then being with the father is not in the best interests of the child. You could attempt to alter the visitation rights and require that his visits with the child be supervised. You might even find a judge willing to terminate his rights to see the child, however this is probably unlikely at this step.

Supervised visits would add a measure of safety for your daughter.

If you have not already, start keeping a journal of your discussions with the father as well as what your daughter relates to you. Write down everything in a truthful manner. Having this in writing can help when going before a judge.

Very truly yours,

Thaddeus J. Hunt, Esq.

(847) 223-4410

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Answered on 1/07/03, 12:06 am
Zachary Bravos Law Offices of Zachary M. Bravos

Abusive non-custodial parent

I see from the website that another attorney has responded to your question, and his advice is solid. Please permit me to add a few comments:

Situations such as what you describe present very difficult issues. You and your children have the right to be free from abuse and harassment, and a domestic violence order of protection can be entered against the father to prevent abuse [there is never a complete assurance that an order of protection will stop anyone from doing anything; the order is, after all, a piece of paper]. You can learn more about orders of protection, and whether you qualify for one, by visiting your local state�s attorney�s office. Either the state�s attorney�s office itself, or an organization working with that office, will help you.

Whether or not you qualify for an order of protection, you can seek to restrict [e.g., supervised visitation, shorter visitation, eliminating visitation, etc.] the father's visitation by pleading and proving that �that visitation would endanger seriously the child's physical, mental, moral or emotional health.� [750 ILCS 5/607] Not giving meds is seriously risky, and locking an eleven-year-old out of the house also presents �serious endangerment.� A lawyer in your area can advise you regarding the likelihood of prevailing in your particular circumstances and the remedies available under the law. [Restricting visitation would not reduce his obligation to pay support, a separate thing altogether.]

You can also call the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services at a local office or on the Child Abuse Hotline (or the Iowa counterpart of DCFS) and make a claim of abuse when it occurs. Hitting, failure to give prescribed meds, and locking a child out of the house should be sufficient to warrant an investigation.

Finally, if the father is a jerk, you and your kids might be stuck with him that way. The above answers can only address abuse. You can�t make a leopard change his spots, and you can�t make the father be a civil person.

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Answered on 1/07/03, 3:55 pm


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