Legal Question in Military Law in Kansas

Admissable Evidence

My ex-husband and I divorced on 5 Jan 09. I recently found out that he took another woman on an out of town trip for New Years Eve and that they have been dating since November 08. How do I best ''share'' this information with his chain of command? He is a senior field grade officer.

Asked on 2/19/09, 1:55 pm

1 Answer from Attorneys

Anthony DeWitt Bartimus, Frickleton Robertson & Gorny, PC

Re: Admissable Evidence

I suppose you could send an anonymous letter, or make a complaint to the office of the commanding general. In my experience the military sweeps this kind of thing under the rug and will ignore it because the divorce was already in the works. While no one will like that he didn't wait, this is not, in my view, something that will end a career.

The real question is what does this do for you, and what does it do to you? If you share children, it creates a negative environment. If you were successful in getting him into trouble, you might impact your own ability to collect child support. Similarly, if you get maintenance, you might cause yourself serious problems if you caused his income to be drastically reduced.

Doing this, if it fails to cause him problems in the command, does no more than give him a reason to hate you. What does that accomplish?

It hurts to see a former spouse with another person. I know. I have been there. Your tendency is to strike out and hurt that person. But we're talking about a matter of one week here. The divorce was already on file. You were already living apart. Both of you were, by that time, already entitled to get on with your lives.

It is said that living well is the best revenge. It is also said that before you go out for revenge, you should first dig two graves. While the desire for retribution is human, wisdom suggests that an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

My best advice: leave this alone. You will thank yourself for it if you do, and you'll likely regret it if you do not.

Good luck.

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Answered on 2/19/09, 2:34 pm

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