Legal Question in Family Law in Alabama

I have been married for 8 years and we have and 8 year old daughter. Several years ago my husband and I had some problems and almost got divorced. His parents took this time to publicly degrade me within their church. My husband and I ended up working it out and needless to say our relationship (myself and his parents) has been really strained. At first it was just uncomfortable but over the past year or so his mother has done some really crazy things. It started out with her writing me a letter asking why I hated her and basically giving me an ultimatum to be a part of their family or she would never talk to me again. Let me throw in here that I have always encouraged my husband to continue his relationship with them, as well as my daughter. I have just chosen not to continue a personal relationship with them, and my husband is fine with this, but I would not ask my husband to just forget about his family. I would also like my daughter to have grandparents around. Anyhow, back on track, I did not respond to the letter that she wrote because I felt as if it were ridiculous of her to write it. I was also mad because I had recently found out that she was trying to involve our daughter. My daughter asked me one day why I hated grandma, grandaddy, and their whole family. I told her that I did not and asked why she would ask that. She replied that she asked her grandma to come play wii with her and she said that she could not because I would not allow her to come over and hated their entire family. I told my daughter that I was unsure of why she would say this but it was untrue. All I have ever told my daughter about me not going to their house is that sometimes adults cannot get along. Because I would never bad mouth her grandmother to her. Since I did not want to personally respond to the letter we decided that my husband would do so and did a few days later. He told me that she was just asking why he never comes over or calls very much and that they missed him. I guess I should throw in that my husband works in a factory where he works a ton and rotates shifts (1st, 2nd, 3rd) every 2 weeks, as well as being a full time student. So, myself and my daughter live with him and barely get to see/spend time with him. As I was saying, my husband got off the phone with her and said that it was fine she just wanted to get that off her chest. Unfortunately, that was far from the truth and since the letter has done things that are to the point of scary. She went to my cousin's job asking why I hated her and told her that she felt like I was brainwashing my husband and daughter. My husband confronted her again and she said she did not know why she did it. Then a few days later I find out that she went to my boss and is telling him all of this same stuff along with several other lies. This is when we decided to limit contact between our daughter and her for a bit. So, we just said that she could not be over there alone, my husband would have to be with them. She did not like this but I have to do what is right for my child. Now, the biggest blow has come a few days ago when she drove to our house in the middle of the day unannounced. My daughter had been sick from school on Thursday and Friday. My cousin stayed with her in the morning and then I did on my lunch break and my husband got off when I was going back from lunch. On Friday, my cousin had to leave a few minutes early so she was there alone for maybe an hour. However, she is 8, I can see our house from where I work, I have emergency phone numbers on the fridge, she knows how to work the phone as well as our home alarm, and knows not to answer to the door to anyone even if she knows them. I would like to throw in that she is not left alone all the time or hardly at all for that matter. There was one previous time it happened and she was alone for 15 minutes. So, my daughter called me hysterical saying that grandma was there. I was in complete shock and went home while she stayed on the phone with me. I had her meet me at the back door because I knew if I saw her we would probably argue because I was very angry. So, I was able to take her to my grandparents house and my husband was going to get her when he got off. He called when he got off saying that she was still sitting in our driveway and asked if she could stay at my grandparents until they talked. So, my husband met her and they talked. He said the first thing she asked was if he was afraid of me and later asked if I was abusing him because they (his family) feels like he shows all the symptoms of an abused spouse. He said that he could not help but laugh a little at that because I am 5'2" 130lbs and not very strong. He is almost 6' 180lbs and works in a factory all day every day so it is not feasible that I would be able to "abuse" him. The point is it is just ridiculous because he does not always have bruises, broken bones, going to the ER, he is not depressed, he does normal things, etc. so I do not know what they mean by classic symptoms of an abused spouse. Anyhow, she also said that she wanted to call DHR but was scared she (our daughter) would end up in a foster home. She has done a lot of crazy things but this is the first time I have been scared it could cause us real/legal problems. Not because I doubt we are good parents because we are. Our daughter is well loved, has everything she needs/wants, does extremely well in school, participates in extracurricular. My fear is that even if she does not call dhr if she is going around telling people that I am brainwashing them and abusing my husband someone else may be concerned and call. Then my daughter would have to go through all of this craziness and she has been through enough because of his mom. So, at this point I do not know what I should do?


Asked on 1/31/11, 2:06 pm

1 Answer from Attorneys

James Coleman Murchison & Howard, LLC

You and your husband should go to counseling. If the child is not the subject of abuse or neglect the DHR complaints will go nowhere.

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Answered on 2/08/11, 2:46 pm


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