Legal Question in Family Law in New York

Gay/Lesbian cohabitation

I am divorced male and my ex wife has sole custody of our daughter. While being married she denied sex to me for over one year. I recently found out that she may be cohabitationg with a Lesbian and I have suspected that she has become or has been a Lesbian. I am wondering what the leagal ramifications are to this because my daughter is living in the house. Also do I have any recorse because she denied me sex for over a year while we were still married.


Asked on 11/11/03, 7:55 pm

3 Answers from Attorneys

Albert Van-Lare The Law Office of Albert Van-Lare

Re: Gay/Lesbian cohabitation

The fact that your ex may or may not be gay has no effect on anything. It is not the sexual orientation that matters but the conduct. You can always ask for divorce because she refused to have intimate contact with you for more than one year.

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Answered on 11/11/03, 9:58 pm
Stephen Loeb Law Office of Stephen R. Loeb

Re: Gay/Lesbian cohabitation

It's an interesting question as to whether an affair outside of marriage iwth a gay partner would constitute grounds for divorce. The Supreme Court of New Hampshire just ruled that it doesn't in that state: That a lesbian affair is not grounds for adultery. New York has not ruled on the issue.

Regardless you can get a divorce based on grounds of constructive abandonment, your wife's refusal to have sexual relations for more than a year. That's what I would advise in this instance.

Should you like to discuss this or any other legal matter, you can call my office to schedule an appointment for a consultation or in the alternative, I can be reached for on-phone low-cost legal consultation at 1-800-275-5336 x0233699.

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Answered on 11/12/03, 8:16 am
Andrew Nitzberg Andrew Nitzberg & Associates

Re: Gay/Lesbian cohabitation

I see by your description of the case that you are already divorced. That is for the best.

Are you looking for more 'leverage' to gain greater access to your daughter?

While in this day and age, the law does not make judgments on your sexual orientation, there is a possiblity of 'fraud' - she represented herself as hetero and married you. Yet she may be gay. Its fun to argue these things, but there is very little practical application. There is no lawsuit there.

The orientation of your ex is significant, but not the only factor in determining custody. This 'new information' is a 'change of circumstances'. But again, for most judges it is the quality of the household that counts, not the orientation.

This seems like a dead-end legally.

Living well is the best revenge. Besides, she did help you get a daughter. She did contribute to something beautiful and valuable in your life.

Good luck.

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Answered on 11/13/03, 5:30 pm


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