Married for 26 years to an IAF Officer and I have a daughter who is employed now. I was staying with daughter in rented accommodation since past 3 years at a place far from his station of posting as she was studying and could not stay in hostel due to health issues. Previous to this I was working in residential schools for three years totally. It was a difficult marriage with physical abuse when he is angry, even till daughter reached her 12th standard, verbal and mental abuses continued but I stuck to the marriage. But, now my husband avoids all marital relationships since last two years in spite of meeting at least three times a year for periods lasting from 3 days to 2 weeks. When after several cold rejections I asked for a reason he says he is not interested in me anymore. Moreover, to add insult to injury when I expressed my desire and shock at his statement he called me 'sex starved'. I decided not to touch this topic anymore and in front of friends and relatives everything is normal though I went through psychological trauma to recover from this rejection. He was not even bothered about the effects it might have had on me. I am not sure whether he has any affair or is just arm-twisting me. He has bought a house but does not intend to stay there but wants me to go to his ancestral home and take care of his parents. This is a remote place and I will not be able to work [school and counseling] from there. I said that I am ready to take care of his parents if they stayed with me in the house that we have bought and from there I could work too. He has decided however to give that house on rent or sell it and if I did not go to his ancestral house then I have to pick up a job in some residential school and stay there. He wouldn't be then taking care of any financial help which I might require then. I am totally cornered and confused by his behavior as sometimes he shows very stormy spouts of anger when he demands divorce or to write that I will forfeit all claims to his emoluments/ retirement benefits/ or that he is ready for a mutual divorce. And other times he is very calmly discussing something concerning general issues like daughter's employment or some marriage or somebody taking ill and such. I want to seek some legal advice as this is very unpredictable behavior snd now that he is going to retire I am not feeling secure anymore.
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