Legal Question in Family Law in Rhode Island

Step-mom ''bashing''

My husband has joint custody of his 5 year old daughter but his ex-girlfriend is the custodial parent. Over the last year we've gotten concerned because on several occasions, during her visits his daughter has said to us that her mother has told her that she's not allowed to hug/kiss me, she's not allowed to ''love'' me, and she has said bad things about me in front of the child and told the child ''not to tell'' us because it's a ''secret.'' We are concerned that this will cause the child to feel ashamed for loving me or feel as though she's doing something ''wrong'' for having any love for me. We have never, on ANY occasion, made any negative comments about the mother to the child. My husband and I believe that it is good and healthy for her to love me and see us as a family. What, if anything, can my husband do to stop this behavior?


Asked on 7/21/09, 3:38 pm

1 Answer from Attorneys

Christopher Pearsall Law Office of Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire

Re: Step-mom ''bashing''

You pose a very problematic issue that has plagued many cases but which the court has considerable difficulty addressing, and with good reason. You are simply dealing with a mother who is trying to alienate the step-mother.

Many people would see this a poor behavior on the mother's part and that it "might" have a detrimental effect on the 5 year old if allowed to continue. However, it is virtually impossible for the court to control and monitor what the mother says to the daughter. Even if your husband were to seek primary placement of the daughter, the mother would most likely be granted visitation despite her behavior.

Practically speaking, even the court has limits to what it can do in family situations. This is one of those times. Since the statements are directed at you and not your husband, there is very little that can be done to actually achieve the result that you want, namely to have the little girl's mother stop making such statements to her.

I regret that this is certainly not what you wanted to hear. I wish you the best in this difficult situation.

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Answered on 7/21/09, 4:49 pm


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