Legal Question in Family Law in California

Hello, my husband and I (same sex marriage) have been married for 16 months (we are filing for divorce now), but separated for 2 months.

Unfortunately we still have 8 months on our current lease left and he is not willing to break the lease. I have offered him this before to get out of this living situation but his financial situation does not allow for this and he simply doesnt want to vacate the place, because he likes it.

3 weeks ago I went out to have drinks with my friend and got home a little drunk. I noticed that my comforter was gone and I suspected that my still husband is on the roof top of our building. I went upstairs and caught him making out with another guy. My heart shattered into pieces that he was able to move on so quick after we peacefully and jointly decided it would be for the better if we separated.

I went back downstairs and he followed a little later. Of course we got into an argument over this and I (being extremly heartbroken, intoxicated and upset) insulted him several times. He recorded this conversation where we argued and I said things like 'you are too stupid to park on the right side of the street, that's why you always get parking tickets' (he had about $650 in parking tickets at that point), or at some point I said 'I wish you were dead so I would never have to see you again'. He immediately said this is a death threat - which I already looked up and it's nonsense as it's considered a wish and not a threat. Also on the recording you hear me say that this is not a threat, I just dont want to see him anymore because it hurts.

Anyway my husband then threatened me with getting a restraining order. Since he has always been very dramatic, he is now starting to see a psychiatrist - although he has always has mental issues, severe mood swings, threatened to kill himself several times etc.

Knowing him I know that he will not tell the lady what his real issues are but put me on the spot and make it seem that I am responsible for his state of mind. He just doesn't acknowledge that there is something wrong with him, but constantly blames the world around him.

My fear now is, that the psychiatrist could potentially demand the restraining order in court on his behalf or talk him into getting one, because he will make me look like the devil himself.

I'm really scared at this point, as I have continuously just tried to ignore him and not talk to him, as it always ends up in a fight. I have texted him several times that I just want peace, never texted anything insulting or such. I even asked him the other night via text, if we could sit down and come up with a plan of how to break the lease as the living situation is not ideal for both of us. He answered that he is fine and he wants to stick it out for the time being.

So I'm really not sure what leverage he has as he has these recordings of me saying things I later apologized for (via text - I don't do anything face to face any more as he is sneaky and wants to get me into trouble). On the other hand I have these text from him saying he's fine, or him admitting to have caught him making out with a new boy. I also have pictures of his notes that he made, when he wrote a good by letter, or him saying that he's seeing someone new already...

Any advice of what could potentially happen will be very much appreciated.

Thank you!


Asked on 6/27/16, 7:42 pm

1 Answer from Attorneys

Timothy McCormick Libris Solutions - Dispute Resolution Services

1. Only a lawyer or a court appointed conservator or guardian can ask for a restraining order on someone else's behalf, not a psychiatrist or psychologist.

2. Did you know you were being recorded? If not, he has committed a crime and the recordings can only be used as evidence of his criminal conduct, not for a restraining order or any other purpose.

3. ONE of you needs to get the hell out of that living situation. You need to file for divorce and emergency temporary orders awarding you occupancy of the family home, OR move out. Either way, it's time to cut the drama queen stuff that it sounds like both of you are hooked on, and hire a decent divorce attorney and get on with your life.

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Answered on 6/28/16, 11:22 am


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